you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What a dumb baby whore.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
