I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
