Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
