I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
