i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
