Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
