Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
