So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
