whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
