So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude i'm inner monologue high
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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