Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
