wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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