dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
