I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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