until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
