Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
