just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
