best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
