his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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