i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
