You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
