Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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