Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We got so high we made milksteak
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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