I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
