I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
