so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
