True but thats because hes a fetus.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
