Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
