If that was your dad, he is hot
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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