in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
