dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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