He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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