guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
But we have bathrooms and they dont
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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