Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
