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I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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