well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
