Are we in a gay sports bar?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
