Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Mom said you looked used
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
