you guys were way drunker than both of me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sorry about my life...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
