I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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