I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
