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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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