He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
our cab driver is having phone sex.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
organizing the empties. That sober.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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