My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
