how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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