He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
