That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
