Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
