I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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