I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
